Incontestable

Years ago--in grad school--I developed a habit that I'd learned had been a routine practiced by the young writer Jack London: writing down words I didn't know. Learning them. (He actually carried little slips of paper around on his person.)

In previous years (ah, youth!) I'd simply tried to infer the meaning of the word from context, and if I couldn't, well, I just figured it could not be that important, you know?

Anyway, one of the words I remember from Back Then (when I was writing them down) is apodictic. It means (in the definition from Merriam-Webster) expressing necessary truth :  absolutely certain.

I see a dire relevance in that word today because so many of us seem to believe that everything we think--everything we say--is apodictic. We admit no ... ambiguity. No possibility that we could be, you know, not completely right?

We see it on TV talk shows, on news panels, etc. (When was the last time you heard some panel member say to another, "You know, I never really thought of it that way--good point"?)

Social media have, of course, exacerbated the problem. I'll talk a bit about Facebook--I'm on Twitter, but mostly I just tweet links to my blogs and don't engage in any hostile back-and-forth with anyone.

But before I talk about Facebook ... I just remembered that, oh, about fifteen years ago or so I was on a Jack London Internet network, and I got into it with another London guy (like me, a published writer about London), and our exchange quickly escalated into the World of Nasty.

And then I stopped. I respected this guy's work, and what we were debating was a very trivial point. Yet rancor ruled. I apologized to him--told him I was sorry I'd written such sharp words to such a fine scholar. This immediately softened him ... and the world went on ...

Anyway, Facebook. I'd say that about 99% of my FB friends are former students (I taught secondary school English (and some college, too), pretty continuously, from 1966-2011).

I care deeply for my former students--all of them. Yet just about every day I see posts and memes from some of them that assail my political and religious beliefs--they don't attack me personally but positions similar to the ones I hold. I also see threads among these people that very quickly become very dismissive and hostile.

The message is: I am right, and you are wrong. But it's even more than that: It's I am good, and you are evil. And why am I evil? Because I happen to disagree with you.

That's quite a leap, isn't it, from disagreeing about, oh, medical care to being called a "libtard," a "Nazi," etc.?

This will never happen--not in this Brave New World of social media--but we really need to "back off," to listen to one another, to try to figure out what the other person is really saying and not simply consign him or her to the Fiery Furnace for the sin of disagreeing with us.

Of course, there are exceptions. There are extremist positions (racism, homophobia, etc.) that, in my view, are devoid of empathy. Inhumane. (I quickly scroll by.)

I have never "unfriended" anyone, though I confess that I have, now and then, "slumbered" someone for a month--not usually for political reasons but for ... other ones.

So ... I guess what I'm saying is: We need to quit acting as if everything we say and write is apodictic. We need to find ways--more amiable ways--to communicate with those who disagree with us.

I find that affection is the best salve for me. I remember my former students fondly. I cannot dismiss them for disagreeing with me. I also am not so naive as to think that I can change their minds by engaging in a public debate. In such venues our positions can become fixed--adamantine.

And conversation quickly descends to virulence and malignancy.