I Can't Find a Couple of Damn Books!

Let's be up front about it--and perfectly frank: My study is a mess. My grandfather Osborn (a scholar so neat that he made certain that in his desk drawer his paperclips were all pointing the same way) and my mother (also an Osborn--also ... fastidious) would take one look at my study and immediately require me to take a DNA test.

So, yes, clutter everywhere--projects in various stages scattered around--a general impression that whoever uses this room is but a variation of a Cat Lady.

But some books--key reference books?--I know where they are. And the two that are missing are the first two volumes of the Random House Historical Dictionary of American Slang, volumes A-G and H-O, published in the mid-1990s (subsequent volumes never appeared--not sure why, but I'm sure the answer is on the web--just too lazy to look right now).

Anyway, the other day I went to the shelf where I keep those two books--empty space. My first thought: Okay, where did I leave them? I recalled having taken them out recently to check something ... Did I not put them back?

I gave my study a cursory once-over. Couldn't see them.

And then my mind--against my better nature--began to grow suspicious, paranoid. Did someone take them? Who? Why? When?

I casually asked Joyce if she'd "borrowed" them, but we looked in her study (much more organized than mine): nope.

So, I did what every reasonable person does: I looked in the exact places I'd looked before. And--surprise! surprise!--they still weren't there.

Last night I woke up in the early hours and for the life of me could not get back to sleep. I was considering possible thieves (whom, out of respect, I will not name here).

But here's the thing: Those volumes are large and heavy. And most people don't give a damn about historical American slang. So--as I see on Facebook all the time--WTF!?!?!?

I see on ABE (Advanced Book Exchange) that I can buy replacements for ... not all that much.

But I'll be damned if I will. I am going to find those volumes. Or ... I am going to find the one who purloined them--and he/she will wish she/he had never been born!

Nah. I'll just look around some more, give up, buy replacements. Why? I'm a wuss.