Christmas Letter

We received this letter the other day ... I don't know the person who wrote it (delivered to incorrect address?) ... but thought I'd share it ...

Happy Holidays to All!

It’s so hard to believe another year has passed, and here I sit, once again composing our annual letter to bring you all up to date on our busy, busy lives. I’ll do what I usually do—go person by person, right through the family. Sound like a plan?

·         Husband Leon remains so committed to his job—it’s a wonder! The Latte Lounge should nominate him for some sort of Loyal Employee award. Such time he commits to them—especially to the new girls they’re always hiring (one of his jobs is new-employee training—and he is so devoted to that, often staying late in the evenings—even on weekends!). During his free time he continues volunteering at the Home for Runaway Girls, where he apparently has quite the reputation! They’re always calling to see if he can come over to help out—and he never declines … well, only if he has to train a new Latte Lounge worker. And one more thing (just to show you his character): For the tenth year in a row he declined his two-week vacation! I’m not sure he’ll be here on Christmas Day …

·         Son Ahab remains at sea, remains a dancer on a cruise line … I’m not really sure which one it is: Every time I ask, he is very vague in his reply. I don’t blame him. I mean, it would really be embarrassing if his parents showed up for a cruise on the very ship where he is dancing in the evening shows. It’s a real testament to his character, you know, being a dancer. He lost that leg (remember our letter last year?) when he went along with some passengers to go whale-watching. And that awful whale that tipped over their boat and swam away with our son’s leg in his mouth. (I oughta write a book!) Anyway, he thought his career was over, but his fellow dancers would not let him quit, and with their love and support he returned to the job, wooden leg and all, only months later. (I bet he’d love to get even with that dick of a whale!)

·         Daughter Antigone remains … well, Antigone. You remember her? Always believing she’s right? Doing what she wants even though her father and I are very much opposed? I’m not really sure where she is now, and if any of you have seen her—or heard from her—would you let us know? The last we knew she was off somewhere working for some organization devoted to burial rights. What a grim thing to do …

·         Daughter Hester … well, she’s always been an A student, you know? But lately … she’s been going over to the church, all the time, Sunday or not, where she’s become a devoted follower of that new preacher, Arthur … Something. (Can’t remember his name. Just getting dim in my age, I guess.) That's got to be a good thing, right? Going to church? But I’m also concerned that she seems to be putting on weight. That is not like her, not like her at all. Maybe it’s just all the holiday food …?

·         Finally, our youngest—Huck—the adopted one—is nowhere to be found, either. He’s always loved to hang around down by the riverfront where he sometimes forms the most … unusual … friendships. He’s just the adventurous type, you know? I just hope he’s gotten over all that lying and cross-dressing and cursing and smoking and … We do love him. Really. Especially on Christmas. We heard a rumor that his drunken father has been seen lately. We hope that’s not true. Whenever Huck spends time with him out at the island cabin, he like runs away and stuff, sometimes for weeks on end. What a free spirit! One day he’ll come back … won’t he?

·         And as for me? Well, I’m kind of sick of being a mother. I’m not very good at it. And—since we must always be honest, especially at Christmas time—I’ve begun a “friendship” with a young man I’ll just call “A.” He’s very attentive—especially considering husband Leon is gone so much of the time. I’m thinking about heading down to Louisiana--to Grand Isle--one of these days—maybe with A., maybe by myself. I know you shouldn’t go swimming all alone, but it’s so beautiful in the warm, embracing Gulf waters …

Have a Happy New Year (whatever that is).

Edna