There's a moment in the 2011 film Horrible Bosses. The three wannabe boss-killers (Jason Sudeikis, Charlie Day, and Jason Bateman) are sitting in a police station trying to explain why they were speeding away from a crime scene. Bateman says he likes drag-racing. The bemused cop (Wendell Pierce, a veteran from The Wire) says with patent disbelief, "Drag racing ... in a Prius?" Bateman pauses (a wonderful, lingering pause), then replies, "I don't win a lot."
Oh, and a few years ago I won a drawing sponsored by Norhio Plumbing. Got a $50 gift certificate to the restaurant of our choice. That was nice.
But, generally, I don't win stuff. I was elected 4th grade class president for a six-week term in 1953, then was removed from office when a teacher caught me going down the up stairs (I'm not kidding). I won election to the Student Senate at Hiram College, but when I ran for President my junior year, I lost (to my roommate! that was awkward). I never won the teacher-of-the-year award in the Aurora City Schools (I was there only about 30 years, so I might have won it, if I'd stayed). I did win a teaching award at Western Reserve Academy my final year in the classroom (2009-2010), and I was very pleased about it--though I also wondered, in my heart of hearts, if this was a bit like voting onto the All-Star team a veteran who'd never quite made it in his prime, but he's retiring, you know? Prob'ly oughta give the Old Guy a nod this year ...
And I bet that's exactly why I didn't win this year--again. Standards. When you've got them, well, others just can't stand it, you know? So instead of conferring awards on the deserving they throw them at the most proximate young face and/or butt they can find.
True: There's always next year. But I'm not really too hopeful anymore. Like Jason Bateman, I've just resigned myself to being one who doesn't win a lot.
And BTW: I do drive a Prius!